Being Good at Hockey Builds Self-esteem - Be Aware of Your Delivery

A child's mind is malleable.

If you tell a child she's a loser, she'll grow up believing it. If your junior hockey team loses a game, a child's mind might translate that into "I'm a loser."

As a junior hockey coach, it's very important to frame these losses in perspective and focus on what everyone did well, and what the opportunities are for improving.

Children with poor hockey skills (and we know who they are) may believe they have less control over important social outcomes-in this case, being a part of the team. Kids who believe they have less control in their lives can run into mental health issues derived from low self-esteem and loss of control over important outcomes in their own lives.

One of the main ways children get others to like them in a junior hockey team environment is by being good at hockey. When a child isn't good at hockey-and lets face it, there is a huge variation in abilities at the junior hockey league levels, they deserve affirmation and positive re-enforcement for things they are doing well, such as trying hard; working hard; hustling to get the puck; doing a great job or 'good skating.' These comments need to be relative to them, not to others. As a hockey player, you know very well there are different ways to contribute in a team environment. Sometimes you have to search a little more diligently for the good in something, but it's always there if you look and finding it makes a difference.

In a communication there exists The Message and The Delivery. The message is what was said and the delivery is how you said it. This distinction is critical because people will remember the exchange for how you made them feel, not what you said--so in other words people focus on and attach meaning to The Delivery. So make a point and get down on their level--so on your knee, look them right in their eyes and tell them they're doing a good job. The small, personal details make a BIG difference to a child's life.

Making a big difference is part of what being a junior hockey coach is all about.

M.R. Overbury is passionate about hockey, kids and making a positive difference in the lives of people.

His blog is http://www.juniorhockeycoach.org

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